(David Cloud is responding to the letter at the bottom of this page.)
BEWARE OF ABUSIVE PASTORS ~
REPLY
FROM BROTHER CLOUD:
Hello, ---------. Thanks for the note.
I am very sorry to hear about your experiences in a church that has an
abusive man for a pastor. It is never easy to understand things from
afar, but from what you have described to me I have no hesitancy to call
that pastor abusive.
I have stated my view on that in the article "Unquestioning
Loyalty to Pastoral Leadership Is the Sign of a Cult." (This is available
at the Way of Life web site under the Church section of the End Times Apostasy Database --
http://wayoflife.org/ ) A truly God-called, biblically-qualified
pastor has great authority in the church, but it is not a worldly, lording-type
authority; it is a gracious, humble, compassionate shepherd-type authority.
1 Peter 5:2 is plain about that. "Neither as being lords over God's heritage,
but being ensamples to the flock." The Fundamental Baptist movement, sadly,
has produced a great number of churches that are pastored by ungodly men
who exercise worldly authority and who operate in the flesh rather than
the Spirit.
Ungodly pastors have hurt many people. It
is extremely dangerous to stay in a church that has a pastor who is abusive
and does not follow the Biblical pattern for pastoral leadership.
The problem is that they are often very clever and manipulative, and they
can manipulate people into staying in situations that they know are not
right. The solution is to stand upon the clear teaching of the Word
of God (such as 1 Peter 5:2) and stay away from them and not feel guilty
about rejecting their unscriptural authority; and to get into a good church
that is pastored by a compassionate man of God.
Not only is it crucial to get out of such a church
for the sake of you and your husband, but for your children as well.
One of two things often happen when children are raised in a church environment
that is controlled by an unspiritual pastor. First, there is a danger
that they will reject the Word of God because of the carnality that they
witness. Second, there is a danger they will fall under the control
of the abusive pastoral authority and they will become addicted to having
a man control their lives rather than develop the proper relationship directly
with the Lord Jesus Christ. Some people like to be mistreated and abused!
That is why cults are often so successful. A godly pastor friend
told me recently about a family who left his church to attend another fundamental
Baptist church in his town. The other church is pastored by a man who rules
over the flock like a feudal lord over his territory. The woman of
the family told my pastor friend that she likes the other church "because
the pastor tells us what to do." Now, the pastor friend in question is
a strong leader and takes a bold stand for the Word of God in all areas,
but he does not believe he can take the place of Jesus Christ in the lives
of his people and he wants the Lord to be the head of the church and the
Chief Shepherd of that flock rather than himself. He knows that to
allow the Lord to work in peoples' lives requires patience and humility
and compassion, and that if people do things externally merely because
he demands that they do so, there is no eternal fruit that is pleasing
to the Lord, who "looketh upon the heart." The difference between these
two pastors is chiefly a difference between their ATTITUDE toward the Lord
and toward the people. A Diotrephes is proud, carnal, demanding,
overbearing, impatient, uncompassionate, "loving" only toward those who
submit to him, but mean-spirited toward those who do not agree with him.
A God-called, scripturally-qualified pastor is the opposite of this.
It is important also to understand that when a
pastor tries to become the head of the home, he has exceeded his authority.
He is an undershepherd in the church, and though he has the obligation
and authority to watch over every soul in the church, he is not the head
of the home. The father is the one and only earthly head of the home
under the Lord. The father, as the priest of the home, makes the
decisions pertaining to the home, in harmony with his wife (Eph.
5: 22-31; 1 Pet. 3:7). The priesthood of the believers teaches
us that the "clergy-laity" concept is wrong. The father and mother
stand directly before the Lord together in all matters pertaining to their
family, and they do not have to go to a "clergyman" or an earthly priest
for direction. (This is not to discount the importance of obtaining
counsel from a godly pastor; counsel is one thing; domination is another.)
I have seen pastors that intervene dramatically in the affairs of the church
families, by DEMANDING, for example, that the families put their kids in
the church school and by forcing them to forsake home schooling and other
such things that are not contrary to the Word of God. If something
is not contrary to the Word of God, a pastor cannot demand that people
not do it, because his authority is the Bible alone. (In fact, if
anything, home schooling is more scriptural than church schools.
But I digress.) I have seen situations in which pastors have caused mothers
to go out of the home to get a secular job in order to pay to send the
kids to a church school, even though the mothers were doing a great job
in educating their children in the home under the oversight of godly fathers.
This is wrong. Such decisions affecting the home are to be made by
the father and mother, not by a pastor. It is the father who has
the responsibility before God to raise up the children in the nurture and
admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). It is the mothers who have the responsibility
to be the keepers of the home (Titus 2:4-5). Decisions pertaining
to these matters obviously fall squarely upon the shoulders of the mother
and the father. The pastor has no authority to usurp this.
For him to attempt to do so is a great error and confusion. Of course,
if a wife or a young person is in an unbelieving home situation, there
sometimes arises a situation in which he or she must obey the Lord and
follow a godly pastor's counsel rather than that of an unsaved father or
husband. But that is far different than a situation in which a pastor
attempts to become God in the homes under his watch-care. I heard
one Independent Baptist pastor say, "You would do better to come to the
man of God about your decisions than to pray about them." Those are the
words of a cult leader and not a New Testament pastor. A truly godly
pastor wants his people to learn to be dependent upon the Lord, not upon
a weak human being like himself.
Your comment about how the pastor treats women
was very interesting but very sad. I have personally seen this in
other situations. I know one pastor who often refers to the women
in his congregation as "dumb as rocks." In what way is that edifying?
What message is that pastor sending not only to the women, but to the men
and to the children! By talking down to the women like that, by ridiculing
them, he is also discouraging the women themselves, and he is lowering
the women in the eyes of the men and the children and the young people.
Of course, that is probably his goal. This same pastor often calls the mothers in the
church who do not accept every jot and tittle of his authority and who
do not look at things like he does "sissies." What does he think a woman
is supposed to be but a sissy! God made women feminine and different than men,
and praise the Lord that He did. The Bible says the woman is the
"weaker vessel." One of the Lord's purposes for the woman is to bear children,
and for that task she has a completely different makeup than a man.
A man sometimes has to raise children without a woman alongside, but he
is at a great handicap because no matter how much he loves his children
he simply is not a mother. It is a "mother's love," that God-given
touch of feminine tenderness and gentleness and kindness, that is so frequently
glorified even in this sin-cursed world. On the other hand, though,
godly women are stronger than men in some ways. I have been married
for almost 23 years, and I am always amazed at my wife's strength in the
Lord in spite of her weakness physically. The church of God needs
both godly women and godly men, and they are not the same and they are
not supposed to be the same, and a pastor who ridicules women is a foolish
man.
The bottom line is the Lord has never given a
man the authority to usurp His own position in the lives of His people.
Pastors are helpers of God's people; they are shepherds; but they can never
try to take the place of God Himself in their lives, and when he does he
is no better than the Pope of Rome, that great granddaddy of all spiritual
usurpers and abusers of pastoral authority. The bishop has the authority
to pastor the Lord's sheep, but not to abuse them or to demand the unquestioning
loyalty that belongs to Jesus Christ alone.
Even the Apostle Paul did not see himself as having
dominion over people's faith. "Not for that we have dominion over
your faith, but are helpers of your joy: for by faith ye stand" (2 Cor.
1:24). The Lord Jesus Christ taught the same thing: "But Jesus called
them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted
to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great
ones exercise authority upon them. But so shall it not be among you:
but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: And whosoever
of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all" (Mark 10:42-44).
Let me conclude with a word of counsel to you
personally. First and foremost, draw near to the Lord like Mary did
(Luke 10:39). Put the Lord in the right priority and men in this
world will, in turn, be found in their correct priority. Even the
best of men (and women) will sometimes offend and disappoint you, because,
alas, we are but sinners saved by grace. There are probably many
good things in the life even of Pastor Diotrephes (though that in no wise
excuses his great and hurtful error of exceeding his authority under God).
Second, I would counsel you that it MIGHT have
been better had you attended the church meetings in question. I do
believe Hebrews 10:25 is a commandment from the Lord that church members
should not dismiss themselves from called church meetings. A church
is a body, and it cannot function properly unless the members are faithful.
Obviously there are times when one must miss a service due to sickness
or whatever, but I do not believe we should take it upon ourselves to miss
a service when we could attend. If the meetings were scriptural and
godly, your parents should have been there, too, unless their health prevented
it. You said they are new Christians. They need the preaching
of the Word of God and the fellowship of the saints in order to grow in
Christ. When people stay home from scheduled church meetings for
the sake of visiting family members (unless there are mitigating circumstances,
and in your case there were), they give the example before those family
members that church meetings are not very important and that the Lord is
not first in that home. I do not know the whole story, of course,
so I am not trying to say that you were right or wrong. You said
your husband agreed with you about the decision to stay home with your
parents. That certainly is a decision that you and he must make together.
If your parents were unable to attend because of their health, and if you
decided before the Lord to stay home with them under the circumstance,
that is certainly reasonable. You asked, though, "Where does the
Bible say that our faith is demonstrated by how often we go to our local
church?" While it is obvious that our faith is demonstrated in hundreds
of ways, the Bible DOES emphasize the importance of the church in the life
of believers. It calls the church the house of God, the pillar and
ground of the truth (1 Timothy 3:15). The example of the Christians
in the first church at Jerusalem and in the church at Antioch do not give
us the idea that we can treat the church casually in any sense and be pleasing
to the Lord (Acts 2;13). I would also hasten to say that I understand
completely that you are writing from the context of an abusive church situation,
and I know that in such situations pastors are insensitive to the families
of the church and often try to control every part of their lives.
A godly pastor is not going to ramrod his people like a cattle driver.
Obviously I am not counseling anyone to submit to abuse, and you are right
in resisting it. What I am referring to in regard to being committed
to a church is being committed and submissive to a godly New Testament
church that is operating scripturally, and I wanted to sound a word of
warning for the sake of balancing out this counsel. As I said, in
the final analysis, these are things you and your husband must decide before
the Lord.
Finally, I will also warn that your anger at all
of this is no more glorifying to the Lord than your pastor's errors are.
Your angry spirit can ruin your family just as quickly as pastoral abuse
can. "But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is
not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is
in the sight of God of great price" (1 Peter 3:4). "But the wisdom
that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be
entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without
hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them
that make peace" (James 3:17,18).
Let me know how things go. I would particularly
love to hear that you have found a good church and that you are submitting
to a godly pastor who is exercising scriptural authority. "Obey them
that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for
your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy,
and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you" (Hebrews 13:17).
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- In recent years I have become increasingly shocked by the widespread
abuse of pastoral authority that is found in the fundamental Baptist movement.
Following is an excerpt from a recent e-mail that describes an example
of such abuse. Let me say something first, though, about the
fact that this particular pastor is apparently a follower of Peter Ruckman.
We must hasten to note that there are many abusive pastors who do not follow
Peter Ruckman, and there are men who appreciate Ruckman in some ways who
are not abusive. (For more information about Peter Ruckman see the
booklet "What About Ruckman" from Way of Life Literature; this material is
also at the Way of Life web site under the Bible Version section of the
End Times Apostasy Database.)
Now to the letter describing an abusive church
situation:
Hi! I enjoy your e-mails of O Timothy very
much! Thanks! My husband and I have left (or should I say ran
away) from a Ruckmanite church. The pastor pointing his finger at
me in front of the congregation "corrected" me i.e. told me what to do
on a certain issue. The issue was this: my parents live ------
miles away from me. My father is very ill with heart problems and
the Lord could take him tomorrow or let him live a few more years.
Whatever. Point is I see them only at the
most a month a year. I have been ministering to them and praise the
Lord they got saved last year! So, they came to visit me in ---------.
My husband and I went to church FOUR times a week and were in the music
ministry. When my parents came there was a revival and I couldn't
attend all the sessions. I went THREE times that week. First
this pastor tells me whatever you do, do unto the Lord! So I'm cool
and miss a few of the revival meetings because my parents absorbed all
my time and I wanted to be with them. My husband went to all the
meetings.
First Sunday after my parents leave, I go to church.
The pastor says yelling in front of everyone: "This time it was OK that
you didn't attend every service but next time to show your parents your
faith in God you HAVE TO come ALL THE TIME." RED FLAG RED FLAG: CULT ON
SIGHT!! Excuse me but "forsake not the assembly" does not mean GO
EVERY DAY!!!!!!! Especially considering that I get to see my parents
not very often and they spend $3,000 to fly to see me, sick and all!!!!
He also told my husband that he did great because he didn't follow his
wife but followed God by going to all the meetings! WHAT?????
Where does the Bible say that our faith is demonstrated by how often we
go to our local church???????? And this man (divorced , ex-convict,
ex junkie who in my own humble opinion should NOT be a pastor!) tells us
four-time-a-week-goers that!!??? Is he the Holy Ghost? How
can I explain that my husband was OK with me being with my parents and
after seeking the Lord He gave me peace to be with my parents and minister
to them that way???
I smell cult...the Ruckman cult! No wonder
when I went to his church I was SICK and my husband was uncomfortable!!
The women were lifeless and oppressed!!!! No black people (I wonder
why? have you ever read how Ruckman talks about women being stupid
and blacks being the dumbest beings on earth?) If you read "Art & Artists"
by Ruckman you get disgusted by his white male supremacy agenda!!!!
Not in a godly way but it almost sounds nazi!
So no wonder this Ruckmanite pastor thinks he
can tell me what to do and "correct" me impromptu in public. (Aren't
we supposed to do it first in private?)
I called him and told him we were looking for
another church because since he made that comment my spiritual life had
suffered and I believed it to be very cultish. Also told him that
the correction would have been more appropriate in private and that he
had acted like the Holy Spirit. Then I proceeded to tell him I thought
Ruckman wrote some good stuff but he sounded very Nazi (I should know,
I am from Argentina!)
So this man writes me a letter that made my husband,
my best Christian friend, my parents and myself sick. He talks about
my mom 60% of the letter saying that I am like her (he met her for 5 seconds).
He compared her and I to Jezebel and my dad and my wonderful, loving husband
with Ahab. It was truly a cheap example of psychological manipulation.
. . . He says I have pride, rebellion and independence
BECAUSE I LEFT THE CHURCH, REFUSING TO SUBMIT AND OBEY THE PASTOR IN HOW
I SHOULD BEHAVE NEXT TIME MY PARENTS VISITED.
I read your article about pastors not telling
people what to do and that if you don't agree with them they would fight
ya. No kidding!!! One church member asked the pastor if he
could call me and he said not to. . . .
We are now trying to attend a NON-Ruckmanite church.
However, I feel psychological, emotional, spiritual and even physical BAD
fruits from this awful pastor's comment and letter.
I guess what I am trying to ask is: HELP!!
I ask you to please give me a truthful answer of what is wrong with this
picture. Even what's wrong with me...please!!
God bless you!!