Many children just want to explain. A little one may not be able to say ‘extenuating circumstance,’ but he certainly understands the concept. When I was small, my father had a phrase that captured the behavior perfectly — “sea lawyer.” The image that comes up is of a sailor who always has an explanation for everything, knows and understands the arcane minutiae of the regulations, and always manages to land, somehow, within the letter of the law.

"Mom, you didn't say I had to clean my room today. You just said I had to clean my room."

Both mother and child know perfectly well that each one understood the requirement the same way, but the mother soon wearies of arguing her case. She does not have the same interest in the legal profession as Billy here, and besides it is three times easier to clean the room herself than to continue the wrangling. The case is dismissed.

When this sin is tolerated, not surprisingly, it causes great problems later in life. We live at a time when very few people want to accept responsibility for their actions. No crime is too heinous to keep the defense attorney, or some psychologist, or the criminal himself, from wanting to explain . The idea that there is no right to explain away the indefensible is an entirely novel one to the modern American mind. Now, this kind of widespread irresponsibility came from somewhere, and one logical candidate for consideration is the training ground of the home. Children grow up the way they are brought up.

So do not train an explaining spirit. Many children come by this behavior honestly. They hear mom and dad "explaining away" when it comes to the various features of their lives, and so the children fall right into the pattern. "If dad can talk so much about how the boss at work doesn't really understand, then it must be my privilege to talk about how the authorities in my life don't really understand." We should not be surprised to find that explaining and yes-butting is the Siamese twin to complaining. "Do all things without complaining and disputing . . ." (Phil. 2:14) So if you do not want to see your child's dog-and-pony show every time you ask him to do something, then refrain from showing your kid your dog- and-pony show every time the boss asks you to do something. The Bible forbids complaining and this kind of disputation, and so the Christian father and mother should train their children in this obedience through a godly example.

This said, Christian parents should not provoke an explaining spirit. One of the best ways to provoke explanations, and a consequent habit of explaining everything, is through being unreasonable telling a daughter it is her night for the dishes when it isn't, telling her to apologize to her brother when an apology is owed in the other direction, requiring your kids to do something their mom said they didn't have to do, and so on. Parents who do not want arguments shouldn't start them . One of the best ways to start off arguments is through snap decisions shooting from the hip. The average parent is not that good a marksman, and if the result is a constant stream of explanations, the chances are that the decisions are very much wide of the mark. When a parent is making decisions, setting requirements, etc . the pattern should be judicial .

When this is the climate of the home, do not tolerate an explaining spirit. As with all areas of discipline, you get more of what you subsidize and less of what you penalize. If parents provide an audience for explanations, they will hear explanations many explanations.

There are two barriers that can be set up to hinder this kind of "explaining." One suggestion is to require the kids to ask for permission to explain instead of simply launching into their song and dance. "Mother, may I say something?" This will keep the kids from assuming that in any situation they have an unlimited right of appeal, or extended discussion. They should have the right of appeal, which they may ask for once , and "it had better be good." This relates to the second point if it is not "good," then the request should be denied, and some kind of discipline applied for clogging up the family's court system with frivolous cases. Say a child was earnestly maintaining that she had done the dishes last night but she hadn't, and her evidence was consequently a bit thin. A good form of discipline would be not only to deny the request, but also have her do the dishes tomorrow night as a gift to her sister.